(Editor’s Note: This opinion post was made by an anonymous contributor. Please contact us if you’d like to contribute.)
The Brooklyn Tower is a towering monstrosity currently under construction in the outer boroughs of New York City, because apparently Manhattan wasn’t enough for all the wealthy yuppies looking to gentrify yet another neighborhood. Standing at an impressive 1,066-feet, this 93-story behemoth will surely block out the sun and ruin the skyline for everyone else. Developed by JDS Development and designed by SHoP Architects, the Brooklyn Tower will feature a whopping 550 units for the rich and wealthy, with a measly 150 units for purchase and a slightly more generous 120 units for affordable rentals. Because God forbid the average person be able to afford to live in a decent neighborhood anymore.
But don’t worry, the Brooklyn Tower isn’t just a place for the wealthy to rest their privileged heads at night. No, it also features a whopping 100,000-square-feet of retail space, because we definitely need more overpriced coffee shops and trendy boutiques in Brooklyn. And if that wasn’t enough, the tower will also have a range of luxurious amenities, including a 24-hour attended lobby, package valet, and in-house coffee stand. Because nothing says “luxury living” like waiting around for someone to take your packages and getting a slightly overpriced caffeine fix in the comfort of your own building.
But the cherry on top of this gentrification sundae has to be the roof deck of the Dime Savings Bank, which will feature an outdoor swimming pool, kids pool, whirlpool, sundecks, hammock lounge, and outdoor dining area with barbecue grills and a fire pit. Because nothing says “welcoming to the community” like building a giant tower and then barricading yourself atop it, looking down upon the plebeians below with disdain. But hey, at least there’s a basketball court on the 66th floor for all the poor, displaced Brooklynites to enjoy. Or they could just stare wistfully at the Sky Lounge on the 85th floor, where the wealthy elite can sip champagne and enjoy panoramic views of the city they’ve ruined. The Brooklyn Tower is set to be completed in the first half of 2023, so mark your calendars for the official start of the Brooklyn gentrification apocalypse.
